Parenting is a mental struggle for everyone, but even more so for mums and dads who have children with additional needs.
Not only do they have to face daily challenges other parents do not have to, but they may not be able to do many things that would give them a rest, such as go on date nights, have weekends away, or enjoy family days out.
More than 1.5 million children in England have special educational needs and disabilities, and this figure is increasing every year, rising by 87,000 from 2022, which shows there are millions of mothers and fathers in the UK who are in need of support.
After all, without being able to look after their own mental health, they will not be able to be the best versions of themselves that their children need.
So here are some tips on how parents with additional challenges can boost their emotional wellbeing to avoid feeling depressed, anxious, stressed, isolated, or hopeless.
Take time for yourself every day
Mums and dads of children with additional needs are in even more demand than other parents. They might not have access to wrap-around care that can support their youngsters fully, and there might not be grandparents who can help with the kids the way there are for their peers.
This means they often struggle to find childcare during holidays, weekends or evenings so they can have some time to themselves or with their partners.
At the same time, their children depend on them for their physical, mental and emotional challenges, and do not have the same level of independence as neurotypical kids.
Therefore, they often put their own needs and interests to the bottom of the pile, as their priority is making sure their children are comfortable and happy in whatever environment they are in.
It is easy to see how this can take its toll, making parents feel isolated, alone, desperate, and with low self-worth and low self-confidence.
That is why it is important to schedule in a few minutes to yourself every day when you know your children are looked after and do not need you. During this time, you could have a bath, do some journaling, read a book or go for a walk – whatever you want to do to relax and feel like yourself again.
Although it is hard to get into the mindset of taking time for yourself, it is so beneficial to your mental health, and you will be able to come back refreshed and recharged to offer your kids better support than before.
Reach out to other parents
It can be extremely different for parents of additional needs children to find a good support network.
While other mums and dads are meeting each other at the park, in baby groups, or at the school gates, these places – and any other public arena – can be extremely difficult environments for kids with autism, ADHD or disabilities.
Therefore, there is not much opportunity to meet other people. Even if they are able to, they may feel they cannot relate to their friends, as there could be big developmental differences between their children.
Additionally, parents with neurotypical children will not be able to understand their daily challenges, from brushing hair to leaving the house; remembering their medication schedule to ensuring their school meets their needs; or not being able to communicate with their little one to protecting themselves during a violent meltdown.
Therefore, it can be difficult to find things in common with other parents, making them feel more isolated and even lonelier.
That is why it is essential to reach out to parents who also have children with additional needs. The good news is this is easier to do these days, thanks to social media groups and the internet.
They could find other mums or dads in the exact same boat on the other side of the world who they can chat to and find support in, or they could find out about groups in their local area, which can help them get together with parents who live nearby in a similar position.
Even just being able to share stories and challenges; finding people who understand what they have to go through; and being able to trust others to handle being around their kids in an appropriate manner can make a huge difference to their mental health.
Get professional help
Although parents of kids with additional needs are probably burnt out ferrying their children to and from hospital appointments, occupational therapy sessions and assessments, it is important they think about their own needs and see a therapist to talk through their challenges.
Thanks to the physical demands, broken nights’ sleep, lack of childcare, having to isolate from friends and family, not finding enough support, and grieving their expectations of what they thought parenthood was going to be like, it’s not hard to see why it is so easy to become depressed or anxious.
While talking with other parents in the same position, carving out time for yourself, and doing some mindful activities, such as breathing techniques, colouring in, drawing and yoga, will certainly help, it is also helpful to seek professional help.
By making sure you look after your own mental health, you can provide better support for your children.
